24. Tillie Tuesday June 1, 2021

It’s just another Tillie Tuesday,

I wish it were a snooze day,

But it’s my news day,

And just another Tillie Tuesday.

Tillie, on family games:

“Mom, Dad, what is your favorite game? And it can’t be ‘going to sleep.’”

Tillie, on personal growth:

(During the PGA Championship a golfer throws his ball away in disgust)

Tillie: Why did he throw his golf ball away?

Mommy: Because he was frustrated. Pretty much everyone who plays golf gets frustrated sometime.

Tillie: Can I tell you something? If no one makes a mistake then their brain can’t grow.

Tillie, on bath time hijinks:

“I was trying to cling on this thing and then I sunk to the bottom. The end. That was the short version. If you want the long version it’s going to take about an hour.”

Tillie, announcing my fate:

Tillie: You’re banished.

Me: Banished?

Tillie: Do you even know what banished means?

Me: What does it mean?

Tillie: That means you’re sent away.

Me: Alright then.

Tillie, on resources for bad habits:

(I hold Tillie‘s arm so she can’t suck her thumb. She promptly sticks her other thumb in her mouth).

Me: Why are you sucking that thumb? You don’t like sucking that thumb.

Tillie: It’s my backup thumb.

Tillie, on observing wildlife:

(We see two fawns in the yard)

Tillie: Downstairs will be the best viewing.

Me: Careful. You don’t want to scare them.

Tillie: (gives me side eye then whispers) Sneakery.

And, finally...

Parental mistakes:

I told Jeanne I would rock, paper, scissors to decide who sleeps with Tillie. One problem: Tillie was sitting next to us. I lost.

Me: Okay, Tillie, I’m sleeping with you tonight.

Tillie: Wait. Are you saying the loser has to sleep with me?

Of course, Jeanne slept with Tillie that night.

Worst Dad Ever.