36. Tillie Tuesday Sept. 14, 2021

It’s just another Tillie Tuesday,

I wish it were a snooze day,

But it’s my news day,

And just another Tillie Tuesday.

Tillie Tuesday, the Everyone’s a Critic Edition

Tillie, apparently working for Roger Ebert

Me: Tillie, I would like it if you didn’t watch a show right now.

Tillie: I’m not watching it, I’m (makes quotation marks in the air) “reviewing” it.

Tillie, on the importance of detail to an art critic

Tillie, looking at a David Hockney painting that sold in 2003 for a record (at that time) price of almost $3000000.

“I don’t want to be rude but those stairs don’t even look like stairs.”

Tillie, on the intelligence of nature

After catching a fish: “Do you remember ‘Finding Nemo’? Well, maybe fish aren’t so smart after all.”

After I killed a bug:

Tillie: Why didn’t the box elder bug fly away?

Me: I don’t think box elders are the brightest bug on the planet.

Tillie: I know the brightest bug…fireflies.

Tillie, (speaking of bugs)

“The mosquitoes had me for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.”

Tillie, on the importance of listening

Me: Are you paying attention?

Tillie: Yeah….(long pause) Wait. What?

Tillie, overheard talking to herself as she played solitaire:

“Why am I the one who always has to do all the work?”

Tillie, on honesty with mercy

“You’re actually a bit terrible at this game. Not terrible terrible. Just a bit terrible.”

Tillie, on the art of swimming

Tillie was getting corrected on her swim stroke. When I asked her why she was not following her instructor’s suggestion: “I was just trying to be creative!”

Tillie, on when the temperatures drop

“I’m coldified.”

Tillie, just wondering

Tillie: Did you get brainwashed, Babs?

Me: By what?

Tillie: By everything.

Tillie, on father/daughter time

Tillie: You don’t play with me.

Me: I don’t think you give us credit for as much as we do play with you.

Tillie: Oh, I get it. You want me to give you money.

Tillie, on verification

(An overheard conversation)

Tillie: Who’s your favorite author? Me?

Jeanne: Um…Yes, of course.

Tillie, on the importance of filters

Tillie: Sometimes I don’t say it because I don’t want to be rude or mean but I’m sorry I still think it in my head.

Me: What’s that?

Tillie: I think you’re an idiot.

Me: What?! Why?

Tillie: Because there are things you don’t know. I’m sorry. I’m sorry! I’m so so sorry!

Me: Goodnight, Tillie.

Tillie, on one giant skip for mankind

“Someday I want to go to the moon…So I can skip without worrying about dying.”

And, finally,

Tillie, on risk taking

“Father, watch this. I don’t think it’s going to be safe but I’m going to do it anyway.”